86 year olds letter to the bank

my wonderful aunt sent me this uplifting email it really brightened my day and made me feel quite young. mind you i am 21 :). But because it make me laugh I thought i should share it with all of you! enjoyShown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. 
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

---

Dear Sir: 


I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. 

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it.. 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief
window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by
way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. 
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which
this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial
ways. 

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank has become. 



From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal
with a flesh-and-blood person. 
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore
and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at
your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to
an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal
Act for any other person to open such an envelope. 

Please find attached an Application Contact
which I require your chosen employee to complete. 
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative. 
Please note that all copies of his
or her medical history  must be countersigned by a Notary
Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue
your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in
dealings with me. 
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of
button presses required of me to access my account balance
on your phone bank service. 

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 
Let me level the playing field even further. 
When you call me, press buttons as follows: 
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*)
BUTTON FOR ENGLISH 

#1. To make an appointment to see me 
#2. To query a missing payment. 
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in
case I am there. 
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I
am sleeping 
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I
am attending to nature. 

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I
am not at home 
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a
password to access my computer is required. 
The Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. 

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.  

#9. To make a general complaint or
inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for
English. 
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call. 

Regrettably, but again following your example, I
must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of
this new arrangement. 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly
less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client 

And remember: Don't make old People mad. 
We don't like being old in the first place, so
it doesn't take much to piss us off.